Spiritual Gifts and Art

A good friend passed this "daily reflection" onto me, knowing that I'd be interested in it: Spiritual Gifts and Art. Take a look at it and reflect upon the thought.

Grace & peace,
deAnn

I Played My Best for Him

For some reason this year Christmas music has really been speaking to me. Lyrics I've heard over and over have become mute to my ears and heart. However, God really captured my emotions one day when the familiar song, "Little Drummer Boy" came on my Pandora Christmas Radio Songs station. I've always dismissed the song, only hearing the prominent "pa rum pum pum pum" segments. But this time, I really heard the lyrics. Actually they went straight to my heart. I'd like to share them with you, minus the "pa rum pum pum pum's."

Come they told me,
A new born King to see,
Our finest gifts we bring,
To lay before the King.


So to honor Him,
When we come.


Little baby,
I am a poor boy too,
I have no gift to bring,
That's fit to give the King.

Shall I play for you
On my drum?


Mary nodded,
The ox and lamb kept time,
I played my drum for Him,
I played my best for Him.


Then He smiled at me,
Me and my drum.


At the artists' gathering last week, the studio, I had these lyrics for everyone. We read through them quietly and shared anything that stood out. Some stated that they never really noticed the lyrics before and really liked them. Others made note to certain parts of the song, "I have no gift to bring, that's fit for the King." One mentioned the fact that the animals kept time - which brought up a neat thought about how nature participated.

There isn't a line in this song that doesn't speak to me. I can relate to the little drummer boy, as I believe all artists can. I am a poor boy (girl, actually), with no gifts to bring, fit to give a King (Jesus). But all He wants is for us to show up and play our best for Him (or paint our best for Him, draw our best for Him, write our best for Him, or create our best for Him).

Then He smiled at me, me and my drum (or canvas, etc.)

As we head into the last few days before Christmas, remember the words of the "Little Drummer Boy." It has a deep spiritual message for us all. Often we judge our "best" by how the world sees our artwork. But God doesn't see it that way. As an offering for Him, He only expects we show up and do our very best.

Then He smiles at you, you and your art...

Grace & peace,
Merry Christmas,
deAnn

Moving Towards Embracing

One of my favorite Celtic writers is John O'Donohue. I have just about every one of his books. A particular special book is "To Bless the Space Between Us" - it's filled with poems for just about any place you find yourself in the journey of life.

As I continue to adapt to the idea of being pregnant at this stage in life, I sensed God nudging me towards this special little book sitting on my shelf, remembering that between the pages lies a poem titled, "For a Mother-To-Be." I've never had any reason to read this poem in the past, but now - it's a different day. God used this poem to launch me out of the devastation stage of my surprise pregnancy into the acceptance stage, which is leading quickly into the embracing stage. I'd like to share Mr. O'Donohue's touching words with you now.

For A Mother-To-Be
by John O'Donohue

Nothing could have prepared
Your heart to open like this.

From beyond the skies and the stars
This echo arrived inside you
And started to pulse with life,
Each beat a tiny act of growth,
Traversing all our ancient shapes
On its way home to itself.

Once it began, you were no longer your own.
A new, more courageous you, offering itself
In a new way to a presence you can sense
But you have not seen or known.

It has made you feel alone
In a way you never knew before;
Everyone else sees only from the outside
What you feel and feed
With every fiber of your being.

Never have you traveled farther inward
Where words and thoughts become half-light
Unable to reach the fund of brightness
Strengthening inside the night of your womb.

Like some primeval moon,
Your soul brightens
The tides of essence
That flows to your child.

You know your life has changed forever,
For in all the days and years to come,
Distance will never be able to cut you off
From the one you now carry
For nine months under your heart.

May you be blessed with quiet confidence
that destiny will guide you and mind you.

May the emerging spirit of your child
Imbibe encouragement and joy
From the continuous music of your heart,
So that it can grow with ease,
Expectant of wonder and welcome
when its form is fully filled

And it makes its journey out
To see you and settle at last
Relieved, and glad in your arms.

Grace & peace ~ deAnn

December 4, 1988

I posted this years ago but in remembrance of my step-dad, Jim Applewhite, I wanted to republish it.

December 4, 1988

One morning as I traveled the back roads between Dallastown and Jacobus on the way to meet a friend for coffee, I listened to a favorite CD when the lyrics of one song caught my attention. I hit track #9 again to listen intently from the beginning. Prompted by the gifted song writer, vivid images filled my mind.

On a Sunday, just days from turning nineteen, I found myself in a place I did not wish to be...in a hospital wing filled with the smell of death. In a small room with a solitary bed laid my beloved stepdad, Jim. On his right, sat his mom, my grama. On his left, quietly sat my mom. I stood, awkwardly, near the foot of his bed. Silence gripped the room. Poisoned with cancer, we waited for death to take him forever captive.

I don't know why I felt I needed to be there that day. He was admitted on Friday because my mom and the visiting nurse could no longer care for Jim at our home. Even though unconscious it was obvious he was in severe pain. The cancer was having its way with his flesh. My mom, as skinny as a rail after three months of living in hell, needed a break. She and my grama took a walk outside. I promised to stay with Jim and let them know of any changes. As they left the room and headed for the clean sweet air, I stood there alone looking over a man who I loved so dearly. Slowly, I moved in closer. I wondered why was he hanging on like this? All the doctors couldn’t believe he was still living. Then I remembered a conversation I overheard right after he was diagnosed, three months earlier. He promised my mom he'd never leave her. I think he believed that. As did she.

Tears fell loosely over my cheeks as I gazed at his beautiful but sunken in face. His eyes opened but focused aimlessly on the ceiling tiles. Moving even closer I could see the grimace on his face caused by the pain that was ravaging his body. Holding on to keep his promise, silly man. I took his hand in mine and leaned close to his left ear. With everything I had, I whispered these words through constant sobbing, "Rest, please rest. I will take good care of mom, Kris and Nick. I promise you." I could almost feel him relax as if those were the words he needed to hear before embarking on the journey before him.

A few moments later, my mom and grama entered the room. They took their normal places on either side of him. I stood close to my mom. Then it began. His breathing became irregular. The tension in the room could be felt so clearly. His chest quickly rose tall as his eyes widened. Mom and grama stood up, knowing what was happening. Then his chest slowly fell, as his body exhaled for the last time. A peace came across his face and could be seen in his body as well. The excruciating pain was gone. But so was he.

After a brief moment of ear-piercing silence the room then filled with uncontrollable cries of agony. I've never seen my mom like that before. It’s a memory I wish I could erase. I don't remember much after that. But I do recall walking out of the hospital that afternoon, feeling as if we were abandoning Jim. It was early December and the sun was setting low in the semi-clouded sky. It was a stunning display of vivid colors: orange, purple, and blue. Standing still in the parking lot, I deeply took in the day’s last light and reflected on the beauty in the sky as a devastating sadness covered me like a wet blanket.

My mom, who had walked ahead of me, turned and asked what I was doing. I said, "Mom, Jim's painting the sky for you. Isn't it pretty?" She and my grama stopped and peered to the west. All three of us stood silently in the parking lot, watching the day come to an end through our tear-filled eyes and with shattered hearts.

Jim was a very talented artist - oils were his preference. He enjoyed painting sunsets and other nature scenes. His final masterpiece was spectacular.

It's funny how words from a song can spark such deep memories. The lyrics stated, "Love is watching someone die." Powerful words, and so true.

The musical artist I referred to was: Death Cab for Cutie; Album: Plans; Song: What Sarah Said

~deAnn Roe

Unexpected Turn

The path of our life took an unexpected turn on September 14. At age 39 I find myself pregnant, which would normally be very exciting however, my husband had a vasectomy 10 years ago. So, to say we were surprised would be an extreme understatement. I have two amazing boys from a previous marriage, one a senior in High School, the other a freshman in High School. We were so close to being "empty nesters" with dreams that included just my husband and me. Yet, God has other plans for us and our family.

Having to sit my teenage boys down and tell them I was pregnant was so strange. I felt like a teenage girl confessing to her unsuspecting parents that she is pregnant. The blank stare on my 17 year old's face was hard to figure out: "my parents still do that? Ugh! Delete that mental image!!!! Delete!" Or was it a look of relief because now he knows I am not dying of some disease, (which I found out later is what he thought. I was very sick and going to the doctors a lot that week, his mind went to "mom's dying.") My 14 year old said, "well, that's cool, mom. I hope it's a boy."

To be completely honest, I was devastated with this news. I had several uncontrollable meltdowns. My emotions ran a muck and I was a mess, then I felt deep guilt for my feelings about this pregnancy. And I had terrible morning sickness (and afternoon and evening sickness) which compounded my overall emotional status. My husband, on the other hand, was ecstatic from day one! We don't have children together. He has two kids and I have two. But now we will share in the amazing gift of being parents of our very own child. That is a blessing.

Around late October or early November, God answered my agonizing prayer and softened my heart towards being a mom again. I moved out of the devastation stage and I am clearly in the acceptance stage. Dare I say, I'm even a little bit excited about having a little baby. Fear still grips me with normal thoughts: How will we afford another child? We've maxed out on space in our house, where will we put the baby? Will I be a good mom? Childcare! Oh my gosh, what will we do when I have to go back to work?? All valid thoughts, but I have to trust that God is going before us and will pave the way for each of these worries to be taken care of.

Now I am 17 weeks along and definitely have a "baby bump." There is no mistaking that I'm pregnant. No longer are people left to wonder if I've had too many plates of my beloved nachos. (Strangely, I can't stomach the idea of nachos at this time! Pregnancy is so weird.) I'm beginning to fill out the maternity clothes lent to me by awesome friends and we've been thinking of names for this little one. Being the overly cautious person that I am, I've not let myself get too excited just in case something tragic should happen. But I sense God gently saying to me, "embrace this pregnancy with all your heart, deAnn." I don't want to disobey my Father and "sorta" be thankful for this gift He's given us. With that said, I feel I'm leaving the acceptance stage and entering the embracing stage.

On December 17 I have my biggie ultrasound to look closely at the baby. And while peeking in on him or her we will see if it's a him or her! Knowing, at my ancient childbearing age, that the little one who's currently living under my heart is a growing healthy baby girl or boy, will be one giant step in the embracing department. God knows I need a heavy dose of that right now.

Spiritually speaking, the moment I looked at that home pregnancy test (and then another home pregnancy test), fear was not alone. What I heard God saying to me amidst my strong tears was that He will answer my decade long prayer through this pregnancy and baby ~ my prayer to be transformed more and more into His image. And to do that, because I'm a stubborn one, He needed to get my attention in a gigantic life changing way. I have two choices going forward: continue to keep my heart closed off, keeping transformation at bay OR allow Jesus to help me destroy the sky-high brick wall that has held my heart captive for a lifetime. Where do I buy spiritual TNT? Oh wait! That is not needed, I just need to embrace this new direction for my life and trust that God is closer than my skin.

He will do a work in me. This little one is a grander gift can I can even imagine.

I explain all this to keep you in the loop of what's going on in my life and why I've not been great at posting lately. It's been a roller-coaster of emotions and I've not felt very creative in any way. But as I open my heart to the future that's before me, I sense my creativity will flood back in with force. I'll share more in coming posts about how this has affected my creative life, it's been an interesting journey, to say the least.

Many of have known what's happening and have sent me emails that have encouraged me right when I needed it most. I can't tell you how much I've appreciated that. God used you at a troubling time to speak to me about this gift He's given us. And to be truthful, those words of encouragement have helped to propel me out of the devastation stage. I am so grateful for you.

Now I wait for next regular OB appointment on December 8. I need to hear the baby's heartbeat again. And again. And again. And I'll share the news from the upcoming December 17 ultrasound. Girl or boy, as long as it's healthy, I'll be happy! At my age, they scare you with all kinds of stuff that could happen. But again, I'm trusting God. We'll take what He gives us.

Thank you for listenting and sorry for the long silence.

Grace & peace,
deAnn